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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22869484">So Much Has Changed</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Werederg/pseuds/Werederg'>Werederg</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Legacies (TV 2018)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Character Growth, Endgame Penelope Park/Josie Saltzman, F/F, Landon's not a bad guy, Mental Health Issues, Penelope's depressed because I'm depressed, Recreational Drug Use, Stoner Penelope, he's just a little dumb, penelope park comes back some time in season two</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 07:07:27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>17,892</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22869484</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Werederg/pseuds/Werederg</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Penelope Park comes back to the Salvatore school for a student exchange program.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Landon Kirby &amp; Josie Saltzman, Landon Kirby/Josie Saltzman, Penelope Park &amp; Josie Saltzman, Penelope Park/Josie Saltzman</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>33</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>216</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I wasn't going to post this originally, because I didn't like the way some of it turned out, but then I thought, who cares?<br/>So, this basically takes place after the japanese guy episode but before the one with the minotaur. It's basically, Penelope comes back to the school and she and Josie talk about and deal with some of their issues together. Also, I mostly just left Hope out of this for now, because she's all forgotten and I didn't want to make it more complicated than it needed to be.<br/>Enjoy!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“Penelope?” Josie stops dead in her tracks as soon as she sees her ex-girlfriend, milling around with a bunch of other unfamiliar students in the main office. Josie had just been coming down to get her attendance fixed that morning, and now, well… </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Penelope turns her head and sees Josie. She looks slightly surprised, but after a second a small smile spread across her face and she walks over to Josie. Her smile isn’t the traditional Penelope Park smirk, but something softer, maybe even more genuine. She looks tired too, like she’s just gotten off a long flight.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, Josie,” Penelope says when she reaches her. She sounds a little nervous, even though she’s good at hiding it. Josie can see Penelope fiddling with a button on her jacket, a small movement that most people would miss.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Penelope, what are you doing here?” Josie says too loudly and with more alarm than she really means. There’s suspicion in her voice too.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m here with the exchange program. It’s supposed to be like a cultural and language learning experience, but I’ve lived here for over half my life, so really it’s just free credits. Plus I can make sure none of the belgian kids get lost,” Penelope says with a shrug.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh.” Is all Josie manages, still trying to process what was happening.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I would’ve warned you if I’d had a chance. I know this is a lot. I’m sorry about that,” Penelope says in this soft, earnest way that reminds Josie of when they used to stay up late talking until like 2 am, back before they broke up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay,” Josie says, not knowing how to respond to that. It had been a long time since she had seen Penelope and even then she was used to teasing and throwing insults, not thoughtful pleasantries. Since when did Penelope Park apologise for things?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Penelope seems to read her thoughts. “Yeah, that’s a new thing I’m getting into: apologizing,” Penelope says, almost nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s good,” Josie says absently, suddenly feeling the need to be as far away from Penelope as possible, which is not an unfamiliar feeling, but this time it was for a much different reason. She moves a little and looks to where she needs to go, to signal the end of their conversation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, yeah, you probably had something you were doing. I didn’t mean to keep you,” Penelope says politely before giving a slight wave and rejoining the rest of the exchange students as they waited for their arrival to be processed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Josie goes and corrects her attendance without saying much to the attendance secretary, suddenly very much caught up in her own thoughts. After, Josie walks back to her room to grab the stuff for her first class, her mind still processing her encounter with Penelope. Something about it had left her feeling so disoriented, and she isn’t sure why.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The thing is Josie has thought about what it would be like to see Penelope again. She thought about it a lot, actually, but this, randomly running into her 6 months later for a strangely normal reason, is not at all how she imagined. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>For one, Josie certainly hadn’t expected Penelope to be so earnest and non confrontational. It is almost like Penelope is respecting Josie’s boundaries, which isn’t like her at all. Secondly, Josie had honestly expected that it would be a longer period of time, or at least that she would be in a more stable part of her life, but if anything, Josie’s life is in more disarray now than when Penelope was still at the school. Between her tense relationship with her sister now that the threat of the merge is looming over them, her dad getting fired and subsequently getting banned from the grounds for assaulting the new headmaster, her recent forays into the realm of black magic, and her new relationship with Landon, Penelope Park is the last thing Josie is prepared to face right now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Another thing is that Josie had expected that with time, dealing with Penelope would be easier. Before Penelope had left, when they were always butting heads about something, Josie would struggle to ignore the old habits of their relationship, wanting to be close to Penelope and confide in her even when she was wreaking havoc with her life. Josie assumed those feelings would fade away, but here Penelope is again, and Josie still aches to kiss her like nothing happened. And considering that Josie is dating Landon now, that impulse is very worrying.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even still, a part of Josie is just happy to see Penelope, curious to know how she’s doing at her new school. A part of Josie just wants to fall into Penelope’s arms and tell her everything that has happened since she’s been gone. A part of her misses the familiarity of Penelope, how they know each other so well that they can tell each other anything without worrying about being judged, especially compared to the relatively new and uncertain relationship she has with Landon.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Josie gets to her first hour class, she forces herself to focus on the teacher, pushing her thoughts of Penelope to the back of her mind. She isn’t particularly successful.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The exchange students are shown to their rooms after checking to make sure everything was in order at the main office. Most students are sharing a room, but Penelope requested to be by herself, which her family could easily pay to make happen. They are left to unpack for about an hour, before being escorted down to the dining hall to break up into groups for tours.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Penelope rolls her eyes at the idea of being shown around a school she went to for years. She figures she can sneak off after a bit and see if she can find some of her old friends. She hopes to see MG and hopes to avoid encountering Lizzie Saltzman for at least for a little while. Unfortunately, the universe is not on her side.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The exchange students are corralled into groups in the dining hall and paired up with other students to show them around. Almost immediately, Penelope spots Lizzie among the student tour guides.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Of course she’s doing this</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Penelope thinks with a roll of her eyes, </span>
  <em>
    <span>anything to be the center of attention</span>
  </em>
  <span>. A small part of her is glad to get this encounter out of the way even though she’s dreading having to say what she has planned to say to Lizzie. She runs through the practiced script in her head, reluctantly stepping toward Lizzie as the groups start to disperse.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Penelope Park? What the hell are you doing here?” Lizzie snaps when she sees Penelope, her voice full of hostility.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Penelope chuckles a little. She doesn’t know how she could’ve expected anything less from Lizzie. “It’s good to see you too, Saltzman,” Penelope says, semi-sarcastically. “And, I’m here slacking off on the exchange program. Extra credits, no extra work.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lizzie seems to consider the idea, looking Penelope up and down. “I guess that checks out,” Lizzie says disdainfully. “You’re not here to bother Josie?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not intentionally, no. I just wanted to do less work and maybe see some of my old friends,” Penelope says as evenly as she can. She ignores her itching desire to end the conversation as quickly as superhumanly possible as she goes over what she needs to say one more time in her head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, keep your distance. Josie doesn’t need this right now,” Lizzie says with a scowl. “You know she has a boyfriend now, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Penelope winces almost imperceptibly. She knew it would be possible, but she hadn’t really been ready to face it. Still, she keeps going as if Lizzie hadn’t said it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I would’ve stayed away entirely, but actually I accidently ran into her in the main office this morning. Don’t worry, I didn’t bother her at all, just explained why I was here and let her go on her way.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lizzie considers her for a long moment. “I guess you have some decency left in you, Park. I’m still watching you, though.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s fair. I actually wanted to talk to you about something, though.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lizzie gives her a skeptical look, but doesn’t immediately walk away, so Penelope takes that as a good sign. Penelope takes a deep breath to steel herself for what she has to say next. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I want to apologize for the way I handled everything that went down between us. It didn’t matter what problems I had or still have with you and the choices you make, I should not have acted the way that I did, attacking you for things that weren’t entirely your fault and targeting you when you were already struggling. I said a lot of things that I regret. I was cruel and I’m sorry for that,” Penelope says carefully, unable to bring herself to meet Lizzie’s eyes. Penelope is really glad she practiced that. She doesn’t think she could’ve stomached it if she hadn’t.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lizzie’s eyes are wide by the time Penelope is done, her expression incredulous. “Did you just apologize?” Lizzie asks, sounding almost offended in her surprise.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Penelope clenches her jaw and nods. Now she just has to get thought this with out saying anything else and she’ll be home free.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lizzie snorts. “Wow, who are you and what did you do to Penelope Park?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Penelope laughs and shakes her head. “I guess, I’ve just had a lot of time to think while in Belgium.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Apparently,” Lizzie says, raising an eyebrow in disbelief. After a moment, she seems to really consider what Penelope has said. “I suppose, I accept your apology.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks,” Penelope murmurs, now very uncomfortable with the situation. She doesn’t want to have to be around Lizzie any longer than she has to.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I should probably go catch up with the group,” Lizzie says, looking off in the direction where her assigned group has long disappeared.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, well, I’m going to skip the tour, considering. Hopefully, I won’t see you around,” Penelope says, moving to go in the opposite direction.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The feeling is mutual, Park,” Lizzie says, before jogging after her group.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Josie comes to a stop, panting, in front of the spot her and Landon had agreed to meet for lunch. Landon is already there and gives her a questioning look as she catches her breath.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry, I’m late,” Josie says after a moment. “I kinda zoned out in my last class and completely missed the bell.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine, Josie,” Landon says, with a reassuring smile. “Are you okay?” Landon asks, motioning for Josie to take a seat next to him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Josie takes a seat and heaves a sigh. “Yeah, I guess I just have lot on my mind,” She says, fidgeting with the pen in her hands.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Landon gives her a sympathetic smile and moves a little closer. He tucks a bit of stray hair behind Josie’s ear, prompting her to look at him. “What’s on your mind?” Landon asks, earnestly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Josie looks away for a moment, trying to find the best way to breach the subject of her ex-girlfriend being back in town with her new boyfriend.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Guess who’s back at Salvatore?” Josie says in a strained casual tone, an anxious expression on her face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Landon furrows his brow and cocks his head in question.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Penelope Park,” Josie says, immediately watching Landon’s face carefully for his reaction.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Landon considers the information without much of a reaction. “Huh, weird,” is all he says.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It frustrates Josie that she can’t tell what he’s thinking. “Yeah, she’s here with the exchange program, something about them getting credit for it,” She says uncertainly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, yeah, the old take a language class of a language you already know for easy credit. Raf did that. He took like 3 years of spanish even though he’s already fluent,” Landon says, with a laugh, seemingly unbothered by the news that Penelope was back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I guess that’s what it is,” Josie says, a little deflated with having expected a different response.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Landon seems to notice Josie’s demeanor and focuses back on her. “How are you doing with that? It must be hard to see her after everything.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah… ” Josie trails off, knowing that it is hard for more reasons than Landon thinks. It’s hard to see Penelope because it reminds Josie of how much she misses her. It’s hard because it makes Josie realize that she still isn’t over her ex-girlfriend, no matter how much she wants that to it to be true. “... it’s just a lot.” Josie finishes anticlimactically, unable to articulate anything more.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Landon nods understandingly, even though he doesn’t really understand. “Okay, well, if you need anything, or there’s anything I can do to help, let me know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Josie nods and starts to eat her lunch. She asks Landon about his day and the conversation moves away from Penelope Park like Josie had never even mentioned her. Now if only her thoughts could do that.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Catching Up</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>“You want a hit?” Penelope offers the joint in a half gesture. Josie can tell by her tone and body language that Penelope doesn’t expect her to even consider the offer, which would make sense, considering she always turned her down before.</p>
<p>And yet, Josie reaches out and takes the joint from Penelope’s hand. Penelope’s eyebrows shoot up instantly and her eyes follow Josie’s movements closely as she brings the joint up to her lips, inhales deeply, and exhales smoothly. Penelope knows she shouldn’t say it, and she won’t, but that was super hot.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Can you tell I've never been high before?</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Josie turns over in bed for what she thinks is the 30th time with a flop and a sigh. She can’t sleep. Her brain just won’t turn off no matter how hard she tries. And who is stuck in her thoughts making them run unceasingly? why none other than Penelope Park, of course. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Josie sighs again in frustration and opens her eyes. After a moment’s deliberation, Josie resigns herself to her restless fate and gets out of bed. Maybe if she goes for a walk she will tire herself out.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Josie puts on a pair of slippers and exits her room, closing the door behind her as carefully as possible. She walks aimlessly around the halls, trying to get her mind to calm down. She doesn’t go to any of the common areas or to the kitchen, knowing she’s more likely to get caught for breaking curfew there. After a while, Josie ends up in front of a very specific door, for no reason she is willing to admit. It’s not that MG might’ve mentioned that Penelope had chosen to stay in a single room while she is here, and it’s not that Lizzie told her what floor the exchange students were placed on, and it’s definitely not because Josie just happens to know that the floor they were placed on only has one single room that was originally there by design for the dean of the floor. That’s definitely not how Josie ends up staring at Penelope’s door questioning how she got there and why she wants to knock.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Either way, Josie internally argues with herself for ten minutes before muttering </span>
  <em>
    <span>fuck it</span>
  </em>
  <span> under her breath and knocking lightly on the door. There is a moment of silence and Josie admonishes herself for assuming Penelope would even be awake at this hour, but then a familiar voice sounds on the other side of the door.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah? Come on in,” Penelope calls from inside, sounding slightly confused.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Josie hesitantly opens the door and and pokes her head inside. She finds Penelope sitting casually on her bed with a surprised and slightly confused expression. Josie instantly regrets coming, but she can’t quite make herself leave.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Josie, hey?” Penelope says hesitantly, somehow managing to make the situation feel less absurd than it is, which Josie is undeniably grateful for.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hi, Penelope,” Josie says awkwardly, an embarrassed blush spreading across her cheeks. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Penelope seems to consider her for a moment, eyes dragging up and down Josie’s body. “Well, come on in then, make yourself comfortable,” Penelope says, surprisingly without any sarcasm.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Josie realizes then that she is still standing half in the doorway and steps fully into the room, closing the door behind her. The soft click of the door feels weighty as Josie remembers the last time she was alone with Penelope. God, so much has changed since then.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>After closing the door Josie is unsure of what to do next. She suddenly feels even more out of place, standing awkwardly a few steps into Penelope’s room. She glances at the questioning look Penelope is sending her way and sighs.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m sorry, Penelope. I don’t know what I’m doing here. I couldn’t sleep and I don’t know why I thought you’d be awake at this hour, and God knows why you even are--” Josie stops abruptly, her brow furrowing in thought as she scrutinizes Penelope. “oh, you’re smoking, aren’t you?” Josie concludes, not sounding particularly pleased. Josie had never been fond of the other girl’s habit when they were dating, giving her several pamphlets about lung disease and the dangers of weed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Penelope’s composure falters with a lopsided smile and an awkward laugh. “Ha, yeah,” She says, almost sounding embarrassed. She raises her the arm that had been at her side to reveal the lit joint that is in her hand.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Josie is surprised by the laugh that sounds in her own chest. Oddly, she can feel herself letting out a breath in relief, too. “I guess it’s good to know that everything hasn’t changed,” Josie says with a fond smile, moving to sit next to Penelope on the bed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Penelope raises an eyebrow and shifts her posture so she is facing Josie more. She has this sort of goofy smile on her face and Josie wonders if it is the weed or the reunion that’s causing it. Josie refuses to acknowledge the part of her that hopes that it’s the latter.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You want a hit?” Penelope offers the joint in a half gesture. Josie can tell by her tone and body language that Penelope doesn’t expect her to even consider the offer, which would make sense, considering she always turned her down before.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And yet, Josie reaches out and takes the joint from Penelope’s hand. Penelope’s eyebrows shoot up instantly and her eyes follow Josie’s movements closely as she brings the joint up to her lips, inhales deeply, and exhales smoothly. Penelope knows she shouldn’t say it, and she won’t, but that was super hot.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Since when have you wanted to smoke with me?” Penelope asks as she takes the joint back, her eyes still lingering on Josie’s lips.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Josie considers the question for a moment before giving a little laugh. “Since when have I known what I wanted?” She counters, knowingly echoing their old arguments.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Penelope gives Josie a lingering look. “Touche,” She says before taking another drag from the joint and passing it back to Josie. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Josie takes it without question, the action feeling familiar almost instantly. Everything with Penelope seemed to feel like that. No matter what it was, it felt like they’d been doing it for an eternity, and like she would do it for an eternity more, as long as it was with Penelope. Josie quickly shakes those thoughts away, knowing the danger of indulging in them.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So, I know why I’m up at the an ungodly hour, but why are you?” Penelope asks, watching as Josie takes another drag. It’s hard to ignore how good Josie looks doing it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Josie shrugs in response. “I couldn’t sleep, I guess, a lot on my mind. You’d think that with all of the stuff that happened last year, we’d get a little bit of break this year, but nope,” Josie says, popping the p sound for emphasis.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Penelope giggles a little. “Oh, yeah? You wanna catch me up?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, God where do I start? Malivore is back.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Wait, when was it gone? How did that happen?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, yeah, you missed that, too,” Josie says with a giggle of her own. She is beginning to understand why Penelope smokes. Everything feels easy all of a sudden. “Landon killed it, sort of, I think,” Josie says uncertainly, furrowing her brow adorably. “I don’t really know how, and I don’t think he knows either, but either way, it didn’t work and the monsters are back.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, yeah? Any cool ones?” Penelope says with a wide, silly grin.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Josie laughs, probably for longer than makes sense, but it doesn’t matter because Penelope is laughing with her. “Um, yeah, there was this body possessing demon in this old, crazy japanese dude.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, no way! Did you get to flex your japanese?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, I did,” Josie says, unable to keep the proud smile off her face. “I had to translate for him the whole time, and he said some pretty questionable things. I looked up one of the things he said that I didn’t understand, and, oh, geez, it was pretty bad.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ooo, can you tell me?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Josie blushes at the thought of saying the word out loud. She motions for Penelope to come closer so she can whisper it in her ear, and the other girl complies easily. The proximity, surprisingly, doesn’t make Josie self-conscious or uncomfortable, even when her lips brush Penelope’s ear. Everything just feels normal and right.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh my God!” Penelope exclaims after hearing the word. “Do I even want to know in what context?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Josie shakes her head with a laugh. “And he said it in front of my dad!” Josie adds.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The two break down in laughs for what feels like an hour, even though it’s really like five minutes. When they finally come out of their fit of laughs, Josie realizes that she’s gotten closer to Penelope on the bed and that they are touching in several places. Thankfully, Penelope starts talking before Josie can overthink it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, Josie, do you want to make a snack run?” Penelope says, for some reason leaning in close and saying it conspiratorially.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>With the thought implanted in her head, Josie realizes how hungry she is. She nods enthusiastically at the idea before hesitating. “Wait, but won’t we be breaking curfew?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Penelope laughs. “Don’t worry, Jo. I’ve done this like a billion times, we’ll be fine. Plus, it’s totally worth it,” Penelope insists, and really it is convincing.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay, let’s go,” Josie says with a smile, taking Penelope’s hand as they move toward the door on a mission.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Kaleb is grabbing a blood bag from the fridge for a late night snack when he hears a cascade of giggles and subsequent shushing coming from down the hall. He pops the blood bag in his mouth, closes the fridge, and waits a little to see who got high tonight, not immediately recognizing the voices. He isn’t too surprised to see Penelope come around the corner, considering that MG had told him that she was back, but what he is surprised to see is Josie Saltzman come around the corner right after, her hand intertwined with Penelope’s.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kaleb raises an eyebrow as he waits for the giggling girls to notice him. They don’t for quite a while, so he clears his throat to get their attention.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Penelope notices first, her eyes going wide. “Hey, Kaleb! Long time no see,” Penelope says with a smile. Penelope moves to greet Kaleb with a complicated handshake.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, good to see you too, Park. MG told me you were back, but I didn’t quite believe it until now. You guys on a snack run?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Penelope stifles an unprompted laugh. “Yeah, are they still in the same place?” She says, moving to start raiding the cabinets.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yep, and they just got replenished, so good timing.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Penelope does a little fist pump. “Nice, organic cheese puffs?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Bottom shelf.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Josie, who had been standing nervously in the middle of the kitchen, smiles at that. Even high off her ass at 2 am after 6 months apart, Penelope still manages to remembers her favorite snack.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So, first time getting high?” Kaleb asks Josie as Penelope starts loading her arms with snacks.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, yeah,” Josie says nervously, hyper aware of herself and the compromising situation she is in. “You know, this isn’t what it looks like.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kaleb holds his hands up in a surrender motion. “Hey, I’m not judging here,” He says with smirk.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Josie opens her mouth to argue, but is interrupted by Penelope.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, Josie, wanna help me carry these?” Penelope asks, her arms overflowing with snacks.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Josie smiles and laughs and moves to grab some. Penelope takes her hand again and starts leading her back out of the kitchen. Josie stops her a moment to say one last thing to Kaleb.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, Kaleb, could you maybe not mention this to anyone?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, I got you, girl. If it comes up, I won’t say anything about you getting high with your ex-girlfriend at 2 in the morning,” Kaleb says, sounding vaguely amused. The way Kaleb phrases it makes Josie start to overthink.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Come on, Jo. If you don’t hurry up, there won’t be any pretzels left by the time we get there,” Penelope says from behind a mouthful of pretzels. “See ya, Kaleb,” Penelope says, dragging Josie along.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As Josie follows Penelope back to her room, she feels nervous all over again, overthinking everything. She is hyper aware of how sweaty and warm her hand is in Penelope’s grasp. She notices every time Penelope looks back at her while they are walking, eyes gleaming and a little red around the edges. She cringes at every crinkle of a snack bag, afraid someone will hear them and start asking the questions she’s too afraid to ask herself.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When they get back to the room, Penelope immediately dumps her snacks on the bed. She climbs onto the mattress right after, sitting cross-legged as she starts to rummage around in the pile. Josie closes the door behind them and places her own armful of snacks down on the bed. She stands a little uncertainly at the edge of the bed. Although she can’t help but smile and laugh a little as she watches Penelope enthusiastically digs into their collected bounty.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>After a moment, Penelope notices that Josie isn’t joining her. She looks up from her snacks and gives Josie a questioning look. Penelope takes a second to finish chewing the food that was in her mouth before saying anything.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Cheese puff?” Penelope asks, a slightly concerned look on her face as she offers the bag to Josie.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Josie can’t help but laugh a little. She takes the bag and sits down on the bed across the snack pile from Penelope. She really is pretty hungry.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So, what’s on your mind?” Penelope asks earnestly, taking a bite of a snickers bar.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Josie finishes chewing her mouthful of cheese puffs and thinks for a moment before sighing. “What are we doing, Penelope?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Catching up?” Penelope offers innocently.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, but catching up doesn’t usually involve getting high in your ex’s dorm at 2 am.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, actually it just turned 3,” Penelope says with a laugh.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Penelope</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Josie groans at the girl’s distractibility.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Penelope’s expression suddenly becomes serious. She puts down the handful of pretzels she was presumably about to shove into her mouth and meets Josie’s gaze dead on.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What do you want me to say here, Jo? As much as I love spending time with you, and I do, I didn’t ask you to be here. I was fully prepared to leave you the hell alone for as long as I needed to be here, but then you come knock on my door. What do you want from me here?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Josie is a little taken aback by the sudden change in tone. She tries to wrack her mind for an answer to Penelope’s question, but she all she finds is a ball of anxiety bouncing around in her stomach. She feels too hot and her throat feels dry, and she thinks that maybe she should just leave and pretend like none of this ever happened, but she can’t bring herself to move away from Penelope.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t know, Penelope, okay? I don’t know what I want. I don’t know why I’m here. I don’t know what I’m doing at all. I can’t even remember the last time I did know what I was doing. I just don’t know...” Josie murmurs, her voice cracking with anxiety.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Penelope is quiet for a little bit before putting down her snacks and moving so that she is sitting close to Josie. Penelope’s gaze is searching, trying to draw Josie’s in so that the other girl will look at her, but Josie’s eyes stay firmly locked on her own hands balled up in her lap. Penelope hesitantly places a hand on Josie’s knee. The contact is gentle, familiar, and it makes Penelope feel like she’s doing something wrong, but she just can’t help herself around Josie.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you want to talk about it?” Penelope asks softly, her thumb rubbing small circles on Josie’s knee.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Not with you,” Josie mumbles impulsively.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Penelope snorts in surprise. “Well okay then,” She says, trying to sound unbothered by the immediate rejection.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ah, no, that’s not what I meant,” Josie says quickly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, what did you mean then?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s just, you’re doing so well, Penelope. You leave for six months, after everything that happened, and you come back, like, perfect. You’re being so thoughtful and respectful, and Lizzie told me that you apologized to her! And I’m over here still ignoring most of the things that happened between us. I feel like you’ve made so much progress and I haven’t made any. If anything, I feel like I’ve gone backwards,” Josie explains, unable to stop the tears from filling her eyes.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>After that Penelope can’t keep her hands off of Josie anymore, her heart aching. She reaches over and lays her hand over Josie’s fidgeting ones. “Hey,” Penelope says softly, finally getting Josie’s gaze to meet hers. “You are not going backwards,” Penelope says firmly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“But things just keep getting worse and worse and I feel like I’m falling apart,” Josie chokes out, the tears finally falling down her cheeks.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Penelope takes the hand that isn’t on Josie’s and wipes a tear off Josie’s cheek, her fingers lingering for a long moment. “I don’t know what you’ve been going through lately, but Josie, there is no way you are going backwards. Progress is hard, and sometimes it gets worse before it gets better. Just because it’s getting harder, doesn’t mean you’re going the wrong way.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Penelope pauses for a moment, her gaze getting distant for a second before coming back to Josie. “My counselor says that figuring out your identity can be a long and painful process and we almost always make mistakes along the way. She also says that it takes a lot to change the behaviors we were taught as kids, whether intentionally or unintentionally, and that really, overcoming those things is a battle that never goes away, but does get easier with time.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Your counselor?” Josie asks softly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Penelope laughs softly. “Yeah, that’s the other thing wrong with what you said, Josie. Trust me, I’m not perfect,” Penelope says, her voice becoming self conscious and self deprecating.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Josie sees Penelope getting uncomfortable and intertwines their hands without a word.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I haven’t been doing as well as you think at the new school. I realized after everything that happened last year, that I always feel the need to be in control of things around me, and I didn’t really care what I had to do to get that. I realized that the only reason I ever really talked to a lot people was to manipulate them, to get them to do what I wanted them to do. After realizing that, it made it really hard to talk to people. It felt like I didn’t know how to talk to them without telling them what they wanted to hear or trying to coach a specific response out of them.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I haven’t made a lot of friends at the school because of that. I couldn’t figure out how to talk to people without performing or being uncomfortable, so I kind of just stopped talking to people. After a couple of weeks, I started see one of the counselors there, and things have gotten better, but it’s still hard.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Penelope pauses for a moment before laughing humorlessly. “It’s kind of funny, I think. I realized that I didn’t want to be the person I had been, someone who hurts the people she cares about and exploits those around her, but in trying to stop being that, I didn’t even know how to act or who I was. It makes me feel like there’s no part of me that isn’t bad.” Penelope’s voice cracks near the end of her explanation, her gaze far away.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Josie takes a long moment to just let Penelope’s words sink in. She plays absently with Penelope’s fingers as she thinks of what to say, but the other girl doesn’t seem to mind at all. Josie knows that she should tell Penelope that she’s not bad, that there are good parts of her, that there are parts of her that Josie loves, even some of the bad parts, but Josie can’t seem to say any of that. Instead she jokes.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, if it makes you feel any better, I broke a guy’s arm with black magic over a football game,” Josie says, realizing that this is the first time she’s actually said it out loud. She’s not sure if she wants to cry or laugh.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Penelope’s gaze quickly clears as she turns to Josie in surprise. Her eyes go wide and she makes a small laugh at how nonchalantly Josie mentions it. “Oh my God, Josie,” Penelope breaths out, an odd light sparkling in her eyes.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Josie blushes in embarrassment, her gaze falling to her and Penelope’s joined hands. When she looks back up after a second, she sees a smirk on Penelope’s face.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay, I know that that is an objectively bad thing, but, I’m sorry, there is no way that six months ago Josie could ever have done that,” Penelope says, her voice oddly proud and awe filled. “And, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t think it was a little hot.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Josie snorts in surprise, a smile creeping onto her face. “Oh my God, Penelope, you’re terrible,” Josie says, playfully shoving Penelope’s shoulder while Penelope laughs at her. Josie hadn’t expected her to say that and she certainly doesn’t expect Penelope to let her shove her into the pile of snacks.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Penelope falls down onto the pile of chip bags and candy with a series of loud crinkling. She takes the hand she has joined with Josie’s and pulls the other girl down into the pile with her. Josie lets out a sharp, surprised laugh as the two of them send several snacks cascading over Penelope’s bed. They squirm and laugh in the snacks for a while until they finally settle into the divet they have created, laying on their sides, facing each other.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They lay there for a while in silence, looking into each other’s eyes. After a long moment, Josie feels Penelope’s thumb gently rubbing a small circle on the back of her hand and she knows that Penelope is going to say something, so she waits patiently for her to collect her thoughts.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I missed this,” Penelope says softly. It seems to take all of Penelope’s courage for her to say the next part, the girl taking a deep breath and squeezing Josie’s hand in preparation. “I missed you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Maybe it’s the weed, or the heartfelt talk, or the fact that it’s 3 in the morning, but Josie heart jumps at the confession, a warm feeling filling her chest. Josie smiles, feeling tears well up in her eyes again, and then she’s wrapping her arm around Penelope and pulling her closer in a weird, laying down, snack riddled hug.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I missed you too,” Josie says, reluctantly pulling away from Penelope’s warm body to look into her deep, piercing eyes. “And I know I haven’t said it yet, but I am so proud of you, Penelope.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Josie hardly has time to process Penelope’s reaction before she is pulled into another hug. From the small sniffles that Josie hears, she can assume Penelope hugged her so that Josie wouldn’t see her cry. Not that Josie is complaining.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They stay up a while longer, talking. Josie fills Penelope in on some of the other stuff that has happened since she’s been gone. Penelope tells Josie about the Belgian school, about the few people she’s talk to, and a little about her counselor. Somehow as they talk, Josie ends up with her head in Penelope’s lap with Penelope’s fingers threading through her hair, and honestly it feels to good for Josie to care.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. In the light of day</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Josie wakes the next morning to the alarm on her phone going off from inside her pocket. She groans and jerks her head to the side in discomfort. Her face is met with something comfortingly solid and warm. It’s then that Josie realizes that her head is still in Penelope’s lap, the other girl beginning to stir above her.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Catch me struggling to write Josie's wonky ass characterization in season two. It's a whole force.<br/>I apologize that there won't be much actual Posie content in this chapter. I literally planned nothing for this fic and am just winging it.<br/>Thanks for all the comments on the last chapter, I was really happy to see you guys liked it so much.<br/>Hope you enjoy this one too!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Josie wakes the next morning to the alarm on her phone going off from inside her pocket. She groans and jerks her head to the side in discomfort. Her face is met with something comfortingly solid and warm. It’s then that Josie realizes that her head is still in Penelope’s lap, the other girl beginning to stir above her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Josie sits up immediately, fumbling with her phone to turn her alarm off. In the relief of getting rid of the blaring sound of her alarm, Josie almost lays her head back down in Penelope’s lap, shooting back up to a sitting position when she remembers the hundred and one reasons that she shouldn’t be doing that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mornin’” Penelope mumbles tiredly, moving to stretch her arms above her head. “What time is it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Josie’s overtired mind struggles to process just every bad decision she had made the previous night, so it takes her a moment to respond to Penelope. “Uh, it’s 8,” Josie says, realizing that she has to get to class in 45 minutes. “I should really get going.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Penelope hums, still sounding half asleep. “M’kay, I should probably get up too. I think we’re supposed to be downstairs at like 9. Can’t let those Belgian kids get lost.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Josie hardly acknowledges Penelope’s response, already halfway out the door. She walks as quickly as she can down the halls, worrying that she smells like weed and that it’s extremely obvious she spent the night in someone else’s room. She can only imagine how Lizzie will react, and, God, what will Josie even say to her?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Josie arrives at her dorm, she finds Lizzie already showered and about halfway through getting dressed. She freezes when Lizzie sees her, her sister immediately meeting her with a scowl and a judgmental look.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know if you are going to sneak out at night to go see your boyfriend, you could at least try to be a little more subtle about it,” Lizzie complains. “I mean, you guys just started dating. I’m not emotionally prepared enough to think about you guys having a </span>
  <em>
    <span>midnight rendezvous</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Lizzie concludes with a disgusted shudder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Josie feels all of the air leave her lungs at Lizzie’s response. She nods and mumbles an apology, not knowing what else to do. She’s certainly not going admit that she was actually with Penelope all night, but it also feels a whole hell of a lot like lying, something that hasn’t ended well for her in the past. It’s a lie that’s not likely to come to light, considering Lizzie tried to avoid talking directly to Landon at all costs, but it still makes Josie’s stomach churn with anxiety.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They finish getting ready in relative silence, Lizzie occasionally urging Josie to hurry up so they have time to grab breakfast. Josie opts not to shower that morning, even though she would love to get rid of the greasy feeling on her skin that makes her feel guilty and anxious. Not to mention, she’s pretty sure she still smells like weed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Josie and Lizzie head downstairs to grab a quick breakfast and some coffee. Josie definitely drinks more than the recommended dose of caffeine that morning, wishing she had one of MG’s energy drinks right then. It’s enough to keep her eyes open, though, as she heads to her first hour, and, really, that’s all she can hope for.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Penelope lays in bed for a moment, staring at the door that Josie has just run out of. Her lap feels cold without Josie’s head resting there and the room feels too quiet without the soft breathing of another person. The morning already feels less inviting than it had a minute ago. Penelope sighs and reluctantly drags herself out of bed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After changing her clothes and running a brush through her hair, Penelope stops by her chaperone’s room to check in for the morning. The 45 year old witch looks genuinely surprised to see Penelope up and about before most of the other students. She mumbles a reminder in french about being in the dining hall by 9 and recedes back into her room to get ready. Penelope nods in understanding and moves to loiter in the hall in case anyone stumbling out of their room needs directions.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Not many of the belgian chaperones are particularly fond of Penelope, considering she made it clear almost immediately that she wasn’t going to bother listening to any of them. With some negotiating early on though, Penelope managed to work out an arrangement for the trip that was the least obtrusive for everyone. The chaperones agreed to let Penelope have free roam over the Salvatore school, provided that she checked in with her chaperone at mornings, evenings, and meals, that she stayed caught up on her online school work, and that she would help guide the other students when they needed it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Penelope stands in the hall a while, directing bleary eyed, jet-lagged witches toward the bathrooms as they began trickling out of their dorms. A few kids managed to be awake enough to greet Penelope as they pass her, but not many. Penelope feels her own late night weighing on her, the heavy feeling of her eyelids urging her to close them. She blinks the feeling away, and makes plans to take a nap later in the day. Considering she has routinely stayed up late to get high in the past, she is entirely used to having a fucked up sleep schedule.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once most of the kids are done getting ready for the day, they start congregating out in the hall with their chaperones. Penelope watches them mill around for a bit, wondering why no one was heading down for breakfast yet. It takes a moment for Penelope to realize that even the chaperones are looking around a little uncertainly, like not even they know where to go. She sighs to herself and motions for the groups to follow her, thinking the school could’ve planned this better so that someone else would have to do this instead of her. Not that she really minds all that much.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Down in the dining hall, they are met by the new headmaster, who gives Penelope the creeps. He greets them and moves to talk to the chaperones about the agenda while the students grab food. Penelope only grabs an apple, not finding herself particularly hungry, and grabs a seat at the far end of the table. She makes a conscious effort to look as bored as she feels when the chaperones start to go over the plan for the day and hand out schedules.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As soon as they are done talking, Penelope is on her feet and out the door, only sharing a brief look with her assigned chaperone so that she is aware that she is leaving. She breathes a sigh of relief once she is away from the group of exchange students, some previously unobserved tension leaving her chest. Penelope isn’t sure when she got so uncomfortable being around other people, considering the posse she used to hang around with when she went to Salvatore. Maybe she’s always been uncomfortable around other people?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Penelope shakes her head at her own thoughts as she makes her way to the old mill. MG had said he would skip after first hour to come hang out with her, but she’s still got like ten minutes until he’s let out. Penelope drapes herself over one of the questionably clean sofas at the old mill when she gets there, and contemplates taking a nap right then.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The next thing Penelope knows, she’s being jostled awake by MG standing over her. She sits up with a groan and blinks the sleep from her eyes before her face breaks into a groggy smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Morning sleepy head,” MG says teasingly, taking a seat next to Penelope on the couch. “I know you’re jetlagged and everything, but I didn’t skip class to watch you sleep.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Penelope just laughs and wraps her arms around her friend in a tight hug. “God, it’s good to see you,” She says with a contented sigh. “And for the record, I’m not that jetlagged. I just stayed up late getting high last night.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ha, nice,” MG says, immediately offering a fist bump that Penelope gladly returns. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, it was really nice,” Penelope says, smiling fondly at the memory of sharing a joint with Josie. “It was a lot more fun than I expected, actually.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>MG gives Penelope a confused look. “Okay, now I’m curious. How did getting high alone in your room manage to be more fun than you expected?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Okay, so maybe, Penelope did that on purpose so MG would ask and she would have an excuse to be able to talk about her night with Josie, but that’s something normal people do, so it doesn’t count as manipulation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, if I tell you, you have to promise not to tell another even vaguely person-shaped creature, okay?” Penelope says, her voice semi-serious.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>MG mimics an offended gasp. “When have I ever not kept your secrets, Pen?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Penelope laughs, knowing the theatrical response is something he picked up from her over the years. “Okay, okay, I see your point. I just wanted to be sure, because she will probably kill me if this gets out,” Penelope says, purposefully not saying who she is talking about yet, to build suspense. When MG gives her an even more interested look and scoots forward a little, she knows that it worked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, so, I was just smoking in my room last night and you’ll never guess who knocks on my door.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Josie.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No way!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yep, and can I just say, Josie is looking super cute lately,” Penelope says, letting out some of the things she hadn’t been able to say last night. “I mean, she always looks cute in her pjs, but damn!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>MG laughs. “Alright, take your ex-girlfriend goggles off and tell me what happened already,” He says, rolling his eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I invited her in, because I had no idea why she was there. It didn’t seem like she really knew either, though. Anyways, being the good host I am, I offer her a hit of my joint.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What a gentlewoman,” MG snorts.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shut up, do you wanna hear the story or not?” Penelope says, giving MG a playful shove. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry, sorry,” MG says quickly, making the motion for zipping his lips shut.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, I basically have a heart attack when she actually grabs the joint out of my hand and takes a drag from it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What!” MG exclaims, his eyes comically large.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know! And, Jesus Christ, MG, it was so hot!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>MG laughs again. “Is this whole story just going to be you thirsting after your ex?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Penelope mimes a thoughtful expression before saying, “Most of it, why?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nothing, keep going,” MG says, trying to stifle his laughter.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Anyways, where did I leave off? Oh, yeah, Josie being sexy. So, then we were just passing the joint back and forth and just sort of talking for a while. She got me caught up on a bunch of stuff that happened while I was gone, which, by the way, you need to text me more, because some of that shit was pretty cool and I wanna hear about it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>MG rolls his eyes, but nods.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Anyways, once the munchies set in, we go out for a snack run. And then we just go back to my room and hang out some more. At some point it got kind of heavy, but we ended up having like a really good talk and it was just really… nice.” Penelope says, unable to keep the smile off her face at the memory.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So you guys just talked all night?” MG says, sounding maybe a little doubtful.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Penelope makes an offended noise. “Yes, of course, what else would we have done?” She says, knowing exactly what MG is implying.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know what I’m talking about, Pen. You and Josie have just always been kind of intense. In the past, when you guys have gotten too close to each other, you usually end up making out or Josie sets you on fire or something. You can’t blame me for being a little surprised.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright, fair, but, for the record, Lizzie mentioned that Josie’s dating someone now, and I’m working on not being an asshole, so I wouldn’t even consider it,” Penelope says, puffing her chest out a little in pride. “Also, I’ve made a point not to ask who she’s dating, so I’m not tempted to hex them, so please don’t tell me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, I’ll keep that in mind,” MG says with a laugh.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Speaking of which, are you still pining after a certain blonde she-witch?” Penelope asks pointedly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>MG’s eyes go wide. “No, not going to happen. We are not talking about that,” MG says, looking uncomfortable.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll take that as a yes,” Penelope says with a smirk. “Come on, though, you seriously haven’t made a move in all the time I was gone?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nope, nuh-uh, we’re not doing this,” MG says, getting up from the sofa and starting to walk away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, come on!” Penelope says, leaning over over the side of the couch to catch his wrist. “I promise I’ll be nice and helpful and only make fun of you a little.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>MG raises an eyebrow at Penelope. “Do you remember the last time you tried to help me with Lizzie?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, good point,” Penelope concedes. “Then this time, I’ll be nice and quiet, how about that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>MG looks at her warily. “And you promise you won’t make fun of me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, MG, you know I can’t make that promise.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>MG laughs and moves back to the sofa. “Okay, fine, but you’ve got to be patient and not interrupt, because a lot of stuff happened while you were gone.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Penelope sits cross legged on the couch, and waits for MG to explain.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So, Satan’s back, huh?” Lizzie says half way through first hour, unfortunately right as Josie finally achieves some kind of focus on the day’s reading assignment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Josie turns to her sister with a startled expression. Josie hadn’t mentioned it to Lizzie when she first saw Penelope because she wasn’t prepared to deal with her own conflicting emotions, much less Lizzie’s likely angry rant. Josie hadn’t even considered that Lizzie might’ve seen the girl all on her own.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How long have you known?” Josie says, a suspicious edge to her voice, remembering when Lizzie failed to tell her that Penelope had been leaving in the first place.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Since yesterday, not that I was keeping it from you,” Lizzie says, pointedly understanding her sister’s edginess in the situation. “She told me that she had already ran into you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh,” Josie says quietly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, it was right before she </span>
  <em>
    <span>apologized</span>
  </em>
  <span> to me,” Lizzie says in exaggerated shock.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Josie’s eyes widen. “For what?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“For like being a dick and all that. It was actually kind of genuine. I thought I was dying for a second.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Josie can’t seem to find anything to say, her chest suddenly growing tight and strained. It’s not that she’s upset that Penelope apologized to Lizzie, although the stress pressing down on her lungs making it hard to breath seems to indicate otherwise. Really, Josie should be happy, even proud, that Penelope apologized to her sister, but instead it makes her stomach twist and she can’t figure out, or rather, can’t admit to herself why.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I mean, don’t get me wrong, she’s still the devil incarnate, but maybe she’s really not here to cause trouble this time,” Lizzie continues, not really noticing Josie’s reaction, which Josie is glad for.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Josie remains silent, pretending to be focusing on the reading assignment instead of responding to her sister. After a moment, Lizzie returns to the assignment as well, leaving Josie to simply stew in her own troubled and vaguely incoherent thoughts.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Josie does her best to ignore that weird feeling as she continues through her day. But even as she pushes it as far down inside of her as it will go, she can still feel it prickling at the back of her mind, making her chest feel tight.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Josie meets up with Landon in the lunch room today, getting there a little late after staying after to help her teacher with something. When she spots Landon, she freezes, seeing that there is some random girl sitting next to him, leaning in much too close as she talks to him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The rational part of Josie knows that Landon has no idea that the girl is flirting with him, his blank stare and halfhearted attention telling her that. But the irrational part of Josie makes her feel like she’s been stabbed in the gut when the random girl lays a hand on Landon’s arm. Something dark and angry rises in Josie’s chest, something that thinks that this girl is trying to take Landon from her, trying to hurt her by doing it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A spell quickly leaves Josie’s lips. The random girl freezes for a second and then gets a nauseated look on her face before excusing herself and practically running toward the bathroom. Josie feels an sick rush of satisfaction, before she realizes what she’s done, feeling a wave of guilt flood in after. She’s not really sure what to think or how to feel. She knows that doing magic on someone like that is wrong, but a part of her feels justified in a way she can’t shake.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Josie makes her way over to Landon, who is casting a vaguely concerned glance after the random girl.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey,” Josie greets as she takes a seat next to Landon. Her voice sounds strange to her own ears, strained and tired.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey,” Landon says back, a bright smile on his face as he turns to Josie. His smile wilts when he sees the look on Josie’s face. “Are you okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Josie hesitates, looking into the innocent, concerned look in Landon’s eyes, almost considering telling him. But she can’t talk to him about. He just wouldn’t get it and god knows how he would react to learning what she had just done, or what she had done last night.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I’m fine, just didn’t get a lot of sleep last night,” Josie says, going for a tired smile that falls into more of a grimace.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, I’m sorry. Is there anything I can do?” Landon says in his usual sweet way, threading his fingers through Josie’s under the table.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Josie shakes her head. “No, I think I just need to take a bit of a break. I’m probably just going to go take a walk for my free period next hour.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You want me to skip history and join you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, that’s okay,” Josie says a little too quickly, too tensely. “I don’t want to get you in trouble,” She adds.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, okay, yeah,” Landon says, his facing falling.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Josie feels guilt twist in her chest. “But I’ll walk you to your next class,” Josie responds quickly, trying to erase the crease in Landon’s expression. She manages a little bit more of a smile and Landon’s face goes back to that excited puppy look that Josie can’t help but find cute.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. By The Water</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Josie doesn’t say anything as she takes a seat on the dock next to Penelope, crossing her legs under her and staring out across the water, unwilling to look at the girl beside her. Being near Penelope again, Josie can’t sort out all of the emotions that start to flow through her and a part of her wants to just run away so she doesn’t have to, but she can’t seem to make herself move. Penelope doesn’t say anything for a long moment, only glancing at Josie out of the corner of her eye.</p><p>“Fancy meeting you here,” Penelope says finally, a gentle smirk on her face. She still doesn’t turn to look at Josie, eyes focused on the gentle ripples of the lake.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>*Spongebob narrator voice* Several months later...<br/>Enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Josie walks with Landon to his next class, waving goodbye when they part ways. Once he disappears from view, she sighs, the forced smile falling off her face, and makes her way out of the building. She really just needs some fresh air. Something about the school has just felt suffocating recently. She wanders aimlessly around the grounds for a while, the smell of the grass and trees clearing her mind a little, and eventually her feet end up taking her to the dock by the lake.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Josie wishes she could say that she was surprised when she sees someone else sitting on the dock. She wishes that she didn’t immediately recognize who it was. She also wishes that her heart didn’t clench at just thought of who it is. Josie is beginning to think that the universe is conspiring against her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Josie doesn’t say anything as she takes a seat on the dock next to Penelope, crossing her legs under her and staring out across the water, unwilling to look at the girl beside her. Being near Penelope again, Josie can’t sort out all of the emotions that start to flow through her and a part of her wants to just run away so she doesn’t have to, but she can’t seem to make herself move. Penelope doesn’t say anything for a long moment, only glancing at Josie out of the corner of her eye.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fancy meeting you here,” Penelope says finally, a gentle smirk on her face. She still doesn’t turn to look at Josie, eyes focused on the gentle ripples of the lake.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Josie can’t help letting out a small laugh. She’s not sure what else she expected from Penelope. Josie glances at Penelope, but it makes her chest tighten and ache. She swallows thickly and goes back to starting at the surface of the lake.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I take it you have a free period this hour?” Penelope asks after a moment. “Or has Josie Saltzman taken to skipping class?” She adds with an absurd about of excitement.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Josie snorts and shakes her head, rolling her eyes at Penelope. She still keeps her eyes on the lake and doesn’t say anything. Silence falls over them for a long while. If it weren’t for the confusing emotions trying to suffocate Josie, she might have found this moment peaceful and pleasant.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Penelope chances another brief glance at Josie, afraid that if she looks too long the other girl will run away. Penelope can see the cogs turning in Josie’s head, her brow furrowed and her gaze a hundred miles away. Back when the two of them had been dating, Penelope used to bring Josie out of her thoughts by kissing her, always being greeted with a dazed smile when Josie finally returned to earth. The memory makes Penelope’s heart ache.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Something on your mind?” Penelope asks gently, her hands going to fiddle with the hem of her shirt to stop herself from reaching out to Josie.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It takes a long moment for Josie to process Penelope’s words and decide to say something. “I heard that you apologized to Lizzie…” Josie says, her voice coming out quiet and oddly sharp.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Penelope feels a weird embarrassment rise in her chest. It’s not like she didn’t want Josie to find out, but something about talking directly to her about it makes Penelope uncomfortable. She lets out an awkward laugh. “Ha, yeah, I did, didn’t I?” She says, glancing at Josie again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Penelope then realizes how sharply Josie had spoken before, seeing how tense the other girl is sitting next to her. Josie’s fists are clenched and pressing into the deck below her and she’s chewing on her the inside of her lip in the way that she thinks people don’t notice. In fact, Josie’s face is creased in a way that almost makes her look angry.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wait, are you mad at me about that? I would’ve thought you’d be happy I apologized to her,” Penelope says, her voice confused and a little vulnerable.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Josie takes a deep breath and lets out a frustrated sigh, chewing intently on her lip for a moment. Her eyes never leave the water in front of her, the gentle ripples the only thing keeping her calm.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not mad that you apologized to Lizzie, I just…” Josie trails off a moment as her throat tightens and she struggles to swallow her emotions back down and keep her tone neutral. “I just don’t understand why you apologized to her and not me. You don’t even like her!” Josie’s voice cracks and rises an octave at the end in a way that makes her cringe. She bites down hard on her lip again to fight the tears rising in her eyes. Why is she crying?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh,” Penelope breaths out. The silence lingers between them as Penelope tries to find a way to explain herself and Josie tries to get her emotions under control.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know how that looks, Josie, but it’s not what you think,” Penelope says after long moment. “It’s just that, it’s easy to apologize to Lizzie. Part of that is because I </span>
  <em>
    <span>don’t</span>
  </em>
  <span> like her even a little, so I don’t really care what she thinks of me. The other part is that everything I did to Lizzie, I did in bad faith, it all came from a place of mostly misguided hate. I was a dick and I just had to admit that. It was simple.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Apologizing to you is… harder,” Penelope continues, her voice growing a little shakier, “because even though I know that I hurt you and broke your heart, a part of me still believes that I did it for the right reasons. I know I did the wrong thing, but I still did it to try and help you, and that makes it more complicated. I don’t ever want to apologize for fighting for you, Josie. I don’t think I ever could.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, I do want to apologize to you, I really do. I just haven’t figured out what I want to say yet. But, I promise that you will have your apology before I have to leave. I just need a little more time to find the right words so I don’t fuck it up,” Penelope concludes, turning to Josie with a nervous, uncertain smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Josie chuckles lightly under her breath and nods in response, still not daring a glance at Penelope. Josie finds Penelope’s explanation to be acceptable, and very Penelope, but, even with her question answered, Josie’s chest remains tight and the threat of tears remains in her eyes. Why can’t she just feel normal?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Penelope, unsurprisingly, notices Josie’s continued discomfort. She waits a while before saying anything, not wanting to overwhelm Josie, especially given how tense she had been to begin with. They sit in silence, listening to the water lap at the dock, until Penelope decides it’s been long enough.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Something else on your mind?” Penelope says casually, turning her head slightly to glance at Josie.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Josie laughs oddly at that. Penelope has always had a way of making the hardest of things easy when she wanted to, as well as making easy things inexplicably difficult if she was so inclined. Josie hadn’t realized how much she missed the former until that moment. She takes a deep breath and just lets words fall out of her mouth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just feel like I’m losing control of myself lately. I mean, little things will make me so mad sometimes that I want to do awful things, and I feel like I don’t recognize myself anymore,” Josie says shakily, images of the girl that had been talking to Landon earlier appearing in her head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Penelope doesn’t react much to this revelation about her ex-girlfriend, especially not in the way Josie’s anxiety insisted she would. Instead, Penelope’s brow just furrows as she tilts her head to the side in question.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you mean, Josie? What sorts of things?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Josie’s stomach plummets at the question. She has barely managed to acknowledge the things she has done, much less the breadth of darker thoughts she had begun to have in the last month. “I don’t know, it’s just… I don’t know,” Josie mumbles, unwilling to elaborate.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is that what happened when you broke that guy’s arm at the football game?” Penelope asks, letting Josie get away with not answering the question.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I mean, kind of, but I didn’t really know what that spell was going to do when I cast it. So it’s not like I meant to do that...” Josie trails off, omitting the part where she is fairly certain she reveled in breaking a stranger’s arm for no good reason.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you didn’t know what it did, why did you cast it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Josie paused for a moment, going through the event in her head. It had been the new headmaster who had given her the spell, and instructed her to cast it. But the Professor was just trying to teach her and challenge her, there’s no way he meant to do something like that. It must’ve been a mistake.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think it was just a mistake,” Josie says after a moment, her voice a little defensive. “The new headmaster gave me the spell to try out, but he must’ve written it wrong, or I said something wrong.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Penelope narrows her eyes. “Why was he having you practice magic during a football game? I thought the whole point of that game was to make sure people didn’t think we were supernatural.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He has a different philosophy than my dad. He thinks of magic like a muscle that needs to be flexed and pushed to its limit constantly to be able to grow, a tool that should be utilized everywhere. I think he wanted to see if we could pull off magic without getting caught,” Josie explains, her voice growing a little harsher.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That doesn’t sound like a good idea,” Penelope says, suddenly way more suspicious of the new headmaster than she was before.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, maybe he knows more than you about magic, Penelope,” Josie snaps suddenly, moving to cross her arms over her chest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Penelope falls silent, watching Josie out of the corner of her eye. She realizes in that moment that she might have to go back on the promise she had made at the beginning of this trip, the one to stay out of Josie’s business no matter what. She had really wanted to keep that promise, to show Josie and herself that she is trying to be better, but whatever is going on with Josie and the new headmaster is bad news and she probably couldn’t stay away if she tried. The trick to figuring this one out, though, is making sure Josie still trusts her enough to tell her what’s going on.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, okay, you’re probably right,” Penelope says finally, her voice neutral and friendly. “And, I’m sorry you’re having a rough time right now. Let me know if I can help.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It takes a long moment for Josie to respond, but once she does, the hostility has faded from her voice. “Thanks, Penelope. I should probably get going though. I have to grab some stuff before my next class.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, see you later,” Penelope says with a slight smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Josie responds, not returning the smile as she gets to her feet and walks away.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Penelope knows that MG has a seventh hour study hall, so she heads over to the library after doing an assignment or two for her online courses. Penelope doesn’t expect to find Lizzie there too, but it doesn’t really phase her as she slides into the chair next to MG’s.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“‘Sup, turnip,” Penelope says, jolting MG out of his reading by slinging her arm suddenly over his shoulders.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh god, Pen, what the hell,” MG breaths out quickly in surprise. Once he has caught his nonexistent breath, he turns to glare at Penelope. “You know I didn’t tell you that story about Sebastian so you could make fun of me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know, but it’s so funny!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How would you like it if I called you a turnip?” MG retaliates weakly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Penelope makes a show of considering the idea. “I don’t know, I just feel like I’m more of a rutabaga, ya know,” She says with a laugh.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The sound of someone clearing their throat suddenly cuts through their conversation. Across the table, Lizzie has her arms folded over her chest and is glaring at Penelope in a way that is eerily familiar.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Some of us are not street delinquents with disappointed parents and actually have work to do, if you wouldn’t mind,” Lizzie sneers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re right, some of us are drama queens with disappointed parents,” Penelope retorts with a smirk.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lizzie grimaces. “What are you even doing here, Park?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Last time I checked, MG has friends that aren’t you,” Penelope spits back, only to get a swift elbow to the ribs from MG. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Pen, is there something you need, because I have work I need to get done,” MG says, trying to defuse the situation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, actually, I wanted to talk to you about something.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, okay, what’s up?” MG says, turning away from his book.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I swear to god, if you say the sky or the ceiling, I’m going to murder you,” Lizzie interjects before Penelope can respond.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Penelope snorts. “I wasn’t but that’s a good one. No, but really, I wanted to know what you guys know about the new headmaster.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, well, he’s british,” MG says with a shrug. “He likes magic a lot, but I guess that’s normal for witches. He has a tendency to talk too much, too. Why do you ask?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m just getting some weird vibes off of him, I guess,” Penelope says. “Plus, I was talking to Josie a little bit ago and it seems like he’s weirdly interested in her. I don’t know the whole story though, so it could be nothing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why exactly were you talking to Josie?” Lizzie snaps immediately.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Calm down, I was hanging out by the docks and she came over and sat by me. It was just a casual chat. Nothing to murder me for,” Penelope says, holding up her hands in surrender.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, please, you expect me to believe that, given your track record,” Lizzie sneers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Penelope takes a deep breath to stop herself from shooting back. “Okay, that’s totally fair, but I am actually telling the truth this time,” Penelope says, forcing a smile. “And I’m not exactly looking to get involved here, you know. If you guys want to take over and figure out what’s going on, be my guest, but it didn’t seem like anyone else had noticed that something was going on.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lizzie looks absolutely affronted by the implication of what Penelope said, but MG intervenes before she can say anything.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Obviously we want to help, Pen. What do you think is going on?” MG says.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, Josie mentioned something that happened at the last football game. You guys are on the team, so you probably know what I’m talking about.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um, no actually, I was off chasing an invisible vampire during the last game,” Lizzie says, sounding embarrassed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And I was chasing after Lizzie, chasing after an invisible vampire,” MG adds, looking significantly ashamed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Penelope furrows her brow, but manages to keep her judgements on the inside, for now. She’ll probably argue with MG about it later.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, well, apparently she broke a Mystic Falls player’s arm with a black magic spell that the new headmaster gave her, which is suspicious for so many reasons,” Penelope says. “Do you guys have any idea what’s going on there? Why would Josie trust some random new guy and just perform whatever spell he gives her without knowing what it was supposed to do?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There is a long moment of silence where the information just sinks in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know, Pen. I had heard someone got hurt, but I thought it was an accident. I didn’t know Josie had anything to do with it,” MG says, a distressed look on his face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Penelope suddenly realizes that Josie had been keeping a secret and that she had just unwittingly betrayed her trust. Well, it’s too late to go back now, although she probably should’ve known better. Sometimes Penelope forgets how much Josie tends to lie to the people in her life, a quality they share, oddly enough.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What about you, Lizzie?” Penelope says when she notices that the girl has been uncharacteristically silent.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know anything about it, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Satan</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Josie and I haven’t exactly been on good terms since you left. She doesn’t talk to me much anymore,” Lizzie says bitterly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Penelope scowls. “You’re blaming me for that? You made your own bed, Lizzie, I just forced you to lie down in it,” Penelope snaps.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re the one who told us about the merge! It really helps our relationship to know that one day one of us might have to kill the other,” Lizzie snaps back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Oh, I’m sorry</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Penelope sneers, voice dripping with sarcasm. “Would you rather have not know at all and not been able to do anything about it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, but-- ugh! You’re so infuriating!” Lizzie growls.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, well, the feeling is mutual,” Penelope sneers back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, stop it, you guys!” MG shouts to break the tension, earning him several dirty looks from the other students in the library. “This isn’t helping anyone, and I’m pretty sure you’ll get us kicked out of the library if you keep going, so please, just, take a deep breath. Okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Both Penelope and Lizzie concede to MG’s point with angry grumbles and glares pointed at the floor.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Anyways, Penelope, you were saying that you think something weird is going on with Josie and the new headmaster?” MG prompts after a moment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, it seems like something is affecting her mental health in a not so normal way. Based on our conversation, though, I’m worried that if I ask her about it directly, she’s going to get defensive and shut down on me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She has been acting weird lately,” Lizzie murmurs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Penelope immediately turns to Lizzie. “What have you noticed?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I mean, I knew that she had low standards, considering she dated you, but Landon is literally the embodiment of someone’s leftovers,” Lizzie says with clear contempt for her sister’s boyfriend.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Penelope freezes as soon as she processes Lizzie’s words. “Josie is dating that Phoenix kid?” Penelope says numbly, trying her best not to feel that fact cut through her heart.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lizzie seems to realize her mistake. “Oh, shit, yeah, sorry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Penelope takes a few deep breaths and tries to keep her mind in the moment instead of riffing off the implications of Josie and Landon dating.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine,” Penelope says tightly after a moment. “But that’s not that weird for Josie.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, the weirdest part is that she’s like really protective and jealous of him, like, all of the time. She’s super aggressive whenever any other girl talks to him, which, </span>
  <em>
    <span>please</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Penelope laughs at Lizzie’s insult. “Yeah, the girl is more likely to be attracted to Josie than Landon,” She adds.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lizzie lets out a sharp surprised laugh at that and then they are both laughing at the apparent patheticness of Landon Kirby.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, this is starting to creep me out,” MG says, looking between the two girls he had never seen get along in his life. “Anyways, though, I can’t say I know how Josie usually acts in a relationship, but you do, Penelope. Is that normal?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Definitely not. Usually, we kept jealousy for more </span>
  <em>
    <span>private</span>
  </em>
  <span> use,” Penelope says with a suggestive smirk.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, ew,” Lizzie says, followed by a gagging sound.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Penelope rolls her eyes before continuing, “But even still, Josie tends to get more clingy than aggressive when she gets jealous,” Penelope pauses and then looks directly at Lizzie as she adds, “at least in public.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lizzie proceeds to make more overexaggerated gagging sounds, which MG and Penelope ignore.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But, I don’t know if that might’ve changed. It has been awhile,” Penelope amends with a self conscious shrug.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lizzie shakes her head. “I don’t think so. As much as I hate to admit it, Landon reeks of rebound.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Penelope laughs a little at that, giving Lizzie vaguely grateful look. “Okay, well, you guys see what you can figure out and I’ll let you know if I notice anything else. Oh, but also, don’t be weird about it. You guys are not good liars and Josie will see you snooping from a mile away,” Penelope says, getting up to leave.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lizzie rolls her eyes and MG gives Penelope a smile and a wave as she exits the library.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>“Josie? Hey,” Penelope says uncertainly, and she sounds different than she had the other night. She sounds apprehensive and there is an odd quality to the familiar hum of her voice.</p>
<p>“Hey,” Josie manages weakly, still frozen with her hand halfway in the air from her failed attempt to knock.</p>
<p>Penelope looks at Josie for a moment, brow furrowed slightly. “Are you okay?”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Josie says with a shrug. “I just couldn’t sleep I guess.”</p>
<p>A small smile tugs at Penelope’s lips. “Yeah, me too.” She pauses, considering Josie for a moment. “I was going to go for a walk. You want to join me?”</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Catch me updating a fic I haven't touched in like eight months just because I needed to project my depression onto some fictional characters, lmao. I wrote this all in like one night and it's probably a mess, so don't think too hard about it.<br/>Tigger warning for intrusive thoughts, and a little bit of suicidal thoughts thrown in for flavor.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Josie feels exhausted after her talk with Penelope by the dock. She’s been exhausted a lot lately, but Penelope makes her feel tired in a whole different way. The conversation keeps repeating in her head, but it doesn’t seem like her brain is trying to process anything, it just seems like it wants to torture her with it.</p>
<p>Josie manages to get through her last couple classes without anyone noticing how deep in her own head she is. She does homework in her room until dinner, mostly because she doesn’t feel like talking to anyone else today. She doesn’t feel hungry by the time dinner rolls around, so she skips the meal to practice some spells the headmaster had given her. As the sun falls lower in the sky, Josie finds herself getting ready for bed alongside her sister.</p>
<p>“Hey, Lizzie, I’m going to be over at Landon’s tonight, okay?” Josie says, gathering her phone and charger in preparation for heading over. She hasn’t been sleeping well lately, so she thought that being with her boyfriend might help.</p>
<p>“Ew. Remember to use protection,” Lizzie says disdainfully.</p>
<p>“Not like that, Lizzie,” Josie scolds, her face going a little red.</p>
<p>“Sure,” Lizzie says, sounding deeply unconvinced. “Just don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”</p>
<p>Josie rolls her eyes. “That’s terrible advice,” She says as she quickly slips out the door to avoid Lizzie’s outraged response. She can hear the muffled offended noises through the walls as she starts to walk away.</p>
<p>It’s only about 45 minutes until curfew, so the halls are relatively empty as Josie makes her way to Landon’s dorm. It only takes a few seconds after Josie knocks on the door for it to swing open, revealing Landon on the other side. He’s got this soft, kind of tired smile on his face that Josie would probably find cute if she wasn’t too tired to notice.</p>
<p>“Hey,” Landon says, stepping back from the doorway to let Josie in.</p>
<p>Josie only murmurs in response.</p>
<p>Landon chuckles softly. “I guess you’re pretty tired, huh? I just gotta take my meds quick, then I’ll be right there,” He says, walking over to his desk.</p>
<p>Josie doesn’t say anything, hardly even processing his words, though she’s not sure if that’s because she’s tired or because her brain still won’t shut up. She crawls into Landon’s bed, crinkling her nose for a moment at the vague smell of teenage boy. After a moment, Landon joins her.</p>
<p>Landon slips under the covers and scoots over toward Josie, pulling her against him with a small, content sigh. Josie throws an arm around his torso and settles against his chest. Landon is comfortable to be with. He’s warm and solid and just a little bit soft. It’s nice. But it doesn’t make Josie’s head quiet down or calm her anxiety and after 20 minutes Josie realizes that it’s definitely not going to help her get to sleep.</p>
<p>As carefully as she can, Josie slips out from Landon’s arms and gets to her feet. The air is cold against her arms in the absence of Landon’s body heat, so she grabs and pulls on the sweatshirt she brought with her before heading out the door.</p>
<p>Josie knows where she is going when she takes a right down the dark hallway as she steps out of Landon’s dorm. She won’t admit it, but she knows exactly where she is going. It only takes a couple of minutes for Josie to end up at Penelope’s door. She stands in front of it for a long moment, willing herself to knock, or maybe trying to convince herself to leave, it’s hard to tell. She chews on her bottom lip and raises her hand to knock, but before she can bring her fist to the door, it swings open and Penelope is standing in front of her.</p>
<p>Penelope’s eyes widen when she sees Josie, although the reaction is slightly delayed, probably explained by how tired Penelope looks. She looks a little disheveled like she has been in bed too long.</p>
<p>“Josie? Hey,” Penelope says uncertainly, and she sounds different than she had the other night. She sounds apprehensive and there is an odd quality to the familiar hum of her voice.</p>
<p>“Hey,” Josie manages weakly, still frozen with her hand halfway in the air from her failed attempt to knock.</p>
<p>Penelope looks at Josie for a moment, brow furrowed slightly. “Are you okay?”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Josie says with a shrug. “I just couldn’t sleep I guess.”</p>
<p>A small smile tugs at Penelope’s lips. “Yeah, me too.” She pauses, considering Josie for a moment. “I was going to go for a walk. You want to join me?”</p>
<p>Josie nods and follows Penelope as she heads out of the building, toward one of the school’s nature trails. They walk in silence for a long while. Only once they enter the woods is the silence broken, like only the trees and each other will hear and hold onto their words without judgement.</p>
<p>“So, what’s keeping you up?” Penelope asks, glancing at Josie as they walk along the path.</p>
<p>It takes a second for Josie to respond, needing to stumble through the chaos in her head to find some sort of answer.</p>
<p>“A lot of things, I guess,” Josie answers. “There is just too much going on in my head.”</p>
<p>“Give me one,” Penelope offers.</p>
<p>Josie thinks for a moment, sorting through the things weighing on her mind. There are too many and she doesn’t know how to make sense of any of them, so she just lets the first one she can think of slip out from her lips.</p>
<p>“You.”</p>
<p>“Oh,” Penelope breathes out quietly, falling silent for a moment. “Just venturing a guess here, but I’m not keeping you up in the way I would hope I was, am I?” She asks and Josie can here the smirk on her face.</p>
<p>Josie snorts softly. “No, it’s just weird having you here.” She frowns as she tries to think of how to explain that feeling. It feels overwhelming just to try.</p>
<p>“Yeah?” Penelope prompts, her voice gentle and soothing against the anxiety rising in Josie’s chest.</p>
<p>Josie feels her throat get tight as she tries to find the right words. How did she feel about Penelope being here and why is it keep her up at night? It hurts. It hurts to see her ex-girlfriend again and remember the heartbreak that she caused. It makes her feel overwhelmed at having to face all of the problems she had been ignoring. She feels guilty, in realizing that she hasn’t worked on any of those problems, problems that made her lose Penelope in the first place. There is anger there too, at Penelope for everything that she has done to her and at herself for every mistake she has made. But there is also relief, that Josie hasn’t lost Penelope. Something about Penelope makes her feel like she can breathe for the first time in so long. She didn’t even realize she had been drowning.</p>
<p>“I don’t know,” Josie finally says, and she can hear how lame and unconvincing it sounds. “I just don’t know how I’m supposed to feel.”</p>
<p>“Well, what <em>do</em> you feel?” Penelope asks, a glint of frustration to her words.</p>
<p>“I don’t know, Penelope. That’s the problem,” Josie snaps defensively, her voice coming out sharper than she means it too.</p>
<p>“Right. That’s fair,” Penelope murmurs, drawing back and sounding smaller than Josie is used to her sounding.</p>
<p>“Sorry,” Josie says quickly, shaking her head to try and get rid of the sudden anger that seems to have invaded her mind. “It’s just too much. Everything, lately.”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Penelope agrees softly. It’s just one simple word but it reflects the same exhausted, helpless feeling that Josie has been feeling so much recently. It makes tears prickle at her eyes for a reason she doesn’t understand.</p>
<p>The sounds of the forest fill the space between them for a while after that. The snap of a twig, the scurrying of an animal, the rustle of the wind in the branches above them, they all envelop the two girls and let them walk in some odd kind of peace, the weight of the world just barely kept at bay.</p>
<p>“What’s keeping you up?” Josie asks, her voice coming out quieter than before, not wanting to break the peaceful quiet that has settled between them.</p>
<p>Penelope doesn’t respond for a long moment and Josie can hear the gears turning in her head. Out of the corner of her eye, Josie can see Penelope pulling at the loose threads at the end of her sweatshirt sleeves. She almost looks nervous.</p>
<p>“Um, well, actually, I know Lizzie’s been to therapy, but you haven’t, right?” Penelope says and the lack of judgment towards Lizzie is still weird for Josie to hear.</p>
<p>“No?” Josie answers uncertainly, not sure where this going.</p>
<p>“Right, okay,” Penelope says oddly, and it’s weird because it seems like Penelope doesn’t know what to say and Penelope always knows what to say. “Do you know what intrusive thoughts are?”</p>
<p>Josie turns her head to look at Penelope, her eyes meeting an odd intensity she didn’t expect to find. Penelope looks… vulnerable, and it makes Josie nervous. She’s only seen Penelope be vulnerable like this a handful of times while they were dating, and she remembers how volatile those moments can be.</p>
<p>Josie shakes her head in response, tilting her head slightly and giving Penelope a curious expression so she knows that Josie is listening.</p>
<p>Penelope’s eyes drop to the ground, her brow furrowing. “Right. Yeah. Well, they’re, like, bad thoughts that I get, thoughts that aren’t really mine. They make me think that I believe things I don’t really believe, that I want to do things that I really don’t.”</p>
<p>“Like what?” Josie asks softly.</p>
<p>“Like that I’m a shitty person, and that no could ever love me, and that <em>maybe</em> <em>I should just make the world a better place and</em>—” Penelope cuts herself off sharply and takes in a slow, shaky breath. “But they’re not really my thoughts. They’re not me.”</p>
<p>“Like an invasive species,” Josie murmurs, trying to process this new information.</p>
<p>“Yeah, that sums it up pretty well,” Penelope says, her voice still unsteady.</p>
<p>“How long has that been going on?” Josie asks carefully, not wanting to push the wrong spot and make Penelope retreat.</p>
<p>“For a while. I mean, not when I was like five, but I don’t remember exactly when it started,” Penelope answers, her fixed intensely on the ground below her feet.</p>
<p>“I had no idea you felt that way,” Josie whispers, an ache pulling at her chest.</p>
<p>“That was sort of the goal,” Penelope says with humorless laugh. “My, uh, my parents don’t really believe in mental health, so, it was just better to pretend that nothing was wrong.”</p>
<p>Josie falls silent, wondering how many times she never realized what her girlfriend was going through. Penelope’s voice quickly breaks Josie out of her thoughts.</p>
<p>“<em>Don’t</em>. Don’t do that, Josie,” Penelope snaps softly. “It’s not your fault that you didn’t notice. I didn’t want you to notice. <em>I</em> didn’t want to notice. I didn’t want to deal with it. It was easier to pretend there wasn’t a problem. It’s not your fault you couldn’t help me. I wasn’t ready for help.”</p>
<p>“What changed?” Josie asks timidly, not sure she wants to know the answer.</p>
<p>Penelope gives a fond, exasperated little sigh. “I know what you’re thinking, Josie. You didn’t make it worse,” She says firmly. “It was better when I was with you. I mean most things were better when I was with you. But even after the breakup, it wasn’t so bad. Because even if I was a shitty person and even if I had to listen to you tell me that you hated me every day, I thought if I could use that to help you be better, then maybe it was okay.” Penelope chuckles dryly. “Not that that worked out so well, but you get the point.”</p>
<p>Penelope takes a deep breath and Josie can tell she’s not done so she waits.</p>
<p>“What really changed I think was leaving the school, losing my support systems. Which feels silly to say because it’s not like I had a good support system, but, you know, a group of people you can talk about shallow things with, and teachers that remember your name, and just knowing that you have a place in the lives of the people around you, it makes a difference.</p>
<p>“And losing that kind of made me crumble. Because there was nothing to distract me from my thoughts anymore and I couldn’t keep seeing myself through everyone else’s eyes. I couldn’t keep seeing the person I was pretending to be.”</p>
<p>Silence stretches between them for a moment as Penelope takes a slow breath. Josie watches her out of the corner of her eye, and she thinks it looks like Penelope is putting herself back together, like she had taken herself apart just for Josie to see. They are close to the end of the trail when Josie feels something prickle at the back of her mind and then she is speaking before she can understand why.</p>
<p>“Can I ask you something?”</p>
<p>“Sure.”</p>
<p>“Can intrusive thoughts be…aggressive?” Josie has no idea why she asks that, but she can’t seem to stop herself.</p>
<p>“What do you mean?”</p>
<p>Josie grinds her teeth because why can’t Penelope just know what she means. She tries anyways. “I mean, like, hurtful at other people,” She says haltingly, the words thick and barely able to come out.</p>
<p>Penelope is quiet for a moment before responding. “Yeah. They can be directed at other people, like wanting to hurt them or thinking that they want to hurt you. They can also be… <em>descriptive</em> sometimes. I don’t really get vivid ones most of the time, but I know other people do.”</p>
<p>“Oh, okay,” Josie says quietly.</p>
<p>They come to as stop at the end of the trail and look at each other for a moment, tired, troubled eyes meeting in a moment of solidarity.</p>
<p>“Thank you, Penelope, for sharing that with me,” Josie says softly.</p>
<p>“Of course,” Penelope says. “Do you want me to walk you back to your dorm?”</p>
<p>Josie freezes and the world comes crashing back in on her as she remembers that she has a boyfriend and that she was supposed to be with him tonight. “No, that’s okay,” She says a little too tightly to sound normal.</p>
<p>Penelope scrutinizes Josie for a moment before her expression falls a little. “Right, probably don’t want to chance anyone seeing us and have them making any wild assumptions.”</p>
<p>"Uh, yeah,” Josie agrees quickly.</p>
<p>“Well, goodnight then, Josie,” Penelope says softly, and then she steps forward and gasps Josie’s hand in her own. She gives it one gentle squeeze before letting go. She gives Josie a small, tired smile and then turns to leave.</p>
<p>Josie wants to call after Penelope, wants to have her take her hand again and feel the gentle warmth. She wants to be close to Penelope and feel that little bubble of peace around her for just another moment. She wants…</p>
<p>But she doesn’t. Josie stays silent and watches Penelope walk away. She really doesn’t know what she’s supposed to do in this situation, in any of these situations with Penelope, but for once, in this moment, Josie thinks that she knows what she wants.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>“Seriously?” Penelope snaps, her voice strained and breathless. “You didn’t even fucking notice, did you? God, you’re so fucking self-centered,” She spits out, her voice barely above a whisper despite the harshness of it.</p>
<p>Lizzie scowls, but she seems to notice how irrationally Penelope is acting. “Watch it, Satan, I care about Josie just as much as you do and I’m trying to help. Why are you being a dick right now?” Lizzie snaps. “Because you’re worried? Newsflash, we’re all worried. It doesn’t give you an excuse to be an asshole.”</p>
<p>“Worried?” Penelope breathes out, her voice shaking so much she barely manages to get the word out. “I’m fucking terrified, Lizzie!” She screams, spinning around to face her, eyes glistening.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Could a depressed person make this?</p>
<p>Trigger Warning: brief references to suicide and suicidal thoughts</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Where is your demon friend?”</p>
<p>MG looks up to see Lizzie join him at the table he’s sitting at, breakfast in hand. It’s early and Lizzie looks really good this morning, so it takes a few seconds for MG to process the words she said.</p>
<p>“Penelope? I don’t know. Probably still in bed,” MG says, raising an eyebrow at the question.</p>
<p>“Well, go get her. I have information,” Lizzie huffs impatiently.</p>
<p>MG furrows his brow, because when has Lizzie every wanted to see Penelope. He is about to ask what she means, but then Lizzie cuts him off with a sharp look and gestures for him to leave. MG is not about to argue with that look, so he gets up without question and vamp speeds to Penelope’s dorm.</p>
<p>MG listens for a second to make sure Penelope there and then knocks. He can hear vague grumbling from inside the room before the door opens and reveals an exhausted, disheveled Penelope.</p>
<p>“MG? What the hell do you want?” Penelope asks, more tired than irritated.</p>
<p>“Lizzie is asking for you,” MG says awkwardly.</p>
<p>Penelope scowls at the prospect of having to deal with Lizzie Saltzman so early in the morning. “And why should I care?”</p>
<p>“She said she has information,” MG says with a shrug.</p>
<p>Penelope thinks on that for a moment, clearly understanding more of what Lizzie means than MG. “Fine, but I’m not getting dressed,” She mutters, stepping out of her dorm and closing the door behind her.</p>
<p>The two of them walk back down to the dining hall in silence, save the complaints Penelope mumbles under her breath. They head over to the table Lizzie is sitting at and she starts talking before they even have a chance to sit down.</p>
<p>“Jeez, can you walk any slower? This is important and I actually have things to do today,” Lizzie complains.</p>
<p>“Fuck you too, Lizzie,” Penelope grumbles as she takes a seat without sparing Lizzie a glance. “I take it this is about Josie?” She asks with a tired sigh.</p>
<p>“Duh, why else would I subject myself to your company?” Lizzie sneers.</p>
<p>“Just get to the point, Lizzie,” Penelope snaps tiredly.</p>
<p>“I would if you would stop talking,” Lizzie counters before rolling her eyes. “<em>Anyways</em>, like I was trying to say, I was talking with Josie yesterday and apparently, she’s been taking private lessons from the new headmaster, and when I tried to ask her what kind of things she’d been learning, she got all defensive and told me that the spells were too advanced for me. Which, for one, please, and for two, weird.”</p>
<p>“Great, I’m sure that was subtle and she’s not suspicious at all now,” Penelope grumbles sarcastically.</p>
<p>“Excuse me, I was very subtle and it’s not like you—”</p>
<p>“Guys!” MG interrupts quickly before things can escalate. “Maybe we should focus on the whole Josie taking private lessons from creepy new headmaster guy?”</p>
<p>That sobers the mood quite a bit, both Lizzie and Penelope’s expression grows serious as they consider the new development in the situation.</p>
<p>“I knew there was something up with that guy,” Penelope mutters after a moment, her brow furrowed.</p>
<p>“Well, what are we going to do about it?” Lizzie asks impatiently and if Penelope had cared to hear it, she would’ve noticed the anxiety in Lizzie’s voice.</p>
<p>“I don’t know, give me a second,” Penelope says with a grimace.</p>
<p>Lizzie scoffs. “Well, hurry up, I have class.”</p>
<p>“Jesus Christ, why don’t you try thinking for yourself for once in your life?” Penelope snaps, her head buried in her hand. “It’s 7 in the fucking morning and I was up until 4 last night and my head feels like it’s trying to split itself open, so if you want my fucking help why don’t you just shut the fuck up for one fucking second so I can think!”</p>
<p>For once, Lizzie doesn’t argue. She and MG are silent until Penelope speaks again.</p>
<p>“Sorry,” Penelope mutters quietly, only barely meaning it in the moment. She groans and takes another moment to think. “We should break into his office and see if we can find anything. Do you guys know his schedule at all?” Penelope suggests, her voice rough.</p>
<p>“No,” Lizzie says at the same time MG shakes his head.</p>
<p>“Real fucking helpful,” Penelope mutters. “I think he’s doing something with the exchange students around one, so we can do it then,” She says with a sigh. “There, is that good enough? Can I go back to bed now?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, Pen, of course. Why don’t we meet at my room after lunch?” MG says gently.</p>
<p>“Yeah, sure, whatever,” Penelope grumbles, already getting up to leave.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Penelope is the last to arrive at MG’s dorm after lunch, not that she actually ate anything, it just took a while to get out of bed.</p>
<p>“It’s about time you get here,” Lizzie says when Penelope appears at the end of the hallway.</p>
<p>“Let’s just get this over with,” Penelope says, rolling her eyes.</p>
<p>“Agreed,” Lizzie says as they start off toward the headmaster’s office.</p>
<p>MG gets positioned outside the office as lookout because of his vamp hearing, while Lizzie and Penelope find their way into the office. There is a spell on the door that Lizzie easily siphons and for once Penelope is minutely glad to have Lizzie around. They make their way inside, immediately scanning the walls and the surfaces for anything of interest.</p>
<p>“What exactly are we looking for, Satan?” Lizzie asks after a long moment, breaking Penelope out of her thoughts.</p>
<p>Penelope tries to contain her frustrated sigh. “I don’t know, anything weird or out of the ordinary.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, well, it just looks like a normal office to me,” Lizzie says impatiently.</p>
<p>“Well, keep looking,” Penelope says tightly, clenching her jaw to keep herself from saying anything she’ll regret.</p>
<p>Lizzie rolls her eyes and moves to scan the bookshelf on the wall while Penelope turns her attention to the desk.</p>
<p>“He’s not even using my dad’s hiding places,” Lizzie mutters offhandedly, putting her hand through the illusion of books that conceals a small compartment.</p>
<p>Penelope decides not to dignify that with a response, choosing to focus on her actual task. She crouches to examine the drawers of the desk. The first one is filled with paper clips, pens, pencils, white out, normal office supplies stuff. The one under that has papers in it. On closer inspection, they look like student files. It takes all of Penelope’s will power not to look any closer. She pauses as she moves on to the bottom drawer. There’s magic on it.</p>
<p>“Lizzie, come here,” Penelope says and when she sees the dirty looks Lizzie is sending her, she adds, “There’s a spell on this drawer.”</p>
<p>Lizzie huffs like Penelope is wasting her time and, god, Penelope isn’t sure how much more of this she can take.</p>
<p>The drawer glows a dim red as Lizzie siphons the spell. Penelope goes to open it as soon as Lizzie pulls her hand back. The wood creaks slightly as the drawer slides out, revealing a thick, worn book nestled inside.</p>
<p>Penelope frowns down at the tome, and really it is a tome. It looks old and barely held together and the inscription on the front is in a language she can’t even identify. She reaches down hesitantly to open the cover, a cold pit forming in her stomach the closer she gets to it. She barely manages to lift the cover and get a glimpse of the text inside before she recoils back with a gasp. Suddenly, she can’t breathe.</p>
<p>“What?” Lizzie asks obliviously, her attention clearly not having been on the book until Penelope gasped.</p>
<p>Penelope slams the drawer closed, her eyes wide. “We need to leave,” She says shakily, getting to her feet.</p>
<p>“What?” Lizzie asks again, but she follows Penelope out of the office anyways.</p>
<p>Penelope doesn’t pause as she passes by MG to get as far away as she can from the office. MG catches on and hurries to keep up with her. Lizzie grumbles a little under her breath as she does the same. It isn’t until they arrive back at the door of MG’s dorm that Penelope stops.</p>
<p>“Well, are you planning on explaining why you’re having a freak out?” Lizzie snaps, and Penelope can tell Lizzie is getting tense in response to her reaction to what they found.</p>
<p>Penelope turns away from them, running a hand roughly through her hair as she tries to take a deep breath. It doesn’t work. Her chest is so tight, she can barely get any air in.</p>
<p>“That was book of black magic,” Penelope says shakily.</p>
<p>MG and Lizzie’s eyes widen in understanding.</p>
<p>“Do you think the headmaster is teaching Josie that stuff?” MG asks, worriedly.</p>
<p>“I don’t know, but it would explain a lot,” Penelope says, one of her hands balling up violently in her sweatshirt.</p>
<p>Lizzie nods in agreement. “Like why she’s so dodgy about the private lessons.”</p>
<p>“And why she can’t sleep,” Penelope mutters, almost to herself, her gaze far away as she processes the implications of this discovery.</p>
<p>“Wait, what do you mean?” Lizzie asks, like she hasn’t noticed how fucking exhausted Josie looks every day.</p>
<p>Penelope can’t help the sharp scoff that escapes her. Her chest is so tight, and she can’t breathe, and she feels like she’s going to explode or break in two.</p>
<p>“<em>Seriously?</em>” Penelope snaps, her voice strained and breathless. “You didn’t even fucking notice, did you? God, you’re so fucking self-centered,” She spits out, her voice barely above a whisper despite the harshness of it.</p>
<p>Lizzie scowls, but she seems to notice how irrationally Penelope is acting. “Watch it, Satan, I care about Josie just as much as you do and I’m trying to help. Why are you being a dick right now?” Lizzie snaps. “Because you’re worried? Newsflash, we’re all worried. It doesn’t give you an excuse to be an asshole.”</p>
<p>“Worried?” Penelope breathes out, her voice shaking so much she barely manages to get the word out. “I’m fucking terrified, Lizzie!” She screams, spinning around to face her, eyes glistening.</p>
<p>Lizzie’s eyes go wide, and she recoils from Penelope’s outburst. For once, Lizzie is speechless, and Penelope really wishes she wasn’t because Penelope can’t stand the silence.</p>
<p>“I—” Penelope chokes out, the sound barely escaping her lungs around shuddering in her chest that would probably be a sob if she let it. “Fuck. I can’t—” She squeezes her eyes shut, trying to get a grip, but she can’t, she can’t be here, she can’t deal with this. Before she knows it, her feet are moving and MG and Lizzie are gone, but she still can’t breathe.</p>
<p>MG and Lizzie are silent for a long time after Penelope has disappeared down the hall. There is a weight in the air that just won’t dissipate. Neither of them have ever seen Penelope like that.</p>
<p>“Is she… okay?” Lizzie says after a long moment, and, god, concern for Penelope Park of all people is a really weird feeling.</p>
<p>“She will be,” MG says unconvincingly, a helpless expression on his face. “Probably, I think. Actually, I should check on her. Talk later?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, I’ll try to figure out what we can do next,” Lizzie says, turning to leave as MG heads off in the direction Penelope disappeared.</p>
<p>MG isn’t surprised when he finds Penelope on the roof, joint in hand. It is one of her favorite places on campus, good ventilation and a nice view, she always said. Penelope is sitting on the stone ledge of the building on the other side of the railing, leaning against the little pillar at the corner of the roof, one leg dangling off the edge. MG knows that Penelope has sat there for hours on end, hundreds of times, but he can’t help the anxiety in his chest at seeing her there.</p>
<p>“Hey,” MG says quietly as he approaches.</p>
<p>“Hey.” Penelope's voice is scratchy and barely audible and her gaze is fixed on something indistinct in the distance.</p>
<p>MG hops easily over the railing and settles in next to Penelope on the ledge. He can’t help but look down and it makes his stomach churn a little. He never really got why Penelope liked sitting up here.</p>
<p>“You okay?”</p>
<p>Penelope just shakes her head and takes a hit of her joint, her hand a little unsteady. She blows the smoke out slowly, watching it twist in the air before disappearing entirely.</p>
<p>“We’re going to figure this out, Pen,” MG says gently. “Josie’s going to be okay.”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Penelope breaths out, but she doesn’t sound like she believes it. She takes another hit before she speaks again. “I just had a bad night, and I can’t deal with this. I’m just <em>tired</em>, MG. I’m tired of feeling helpless, of feeling <em>useless</em>. I just don’t know why I bother sometimes.”</p>
<p>MG takes a second before he responds, considering his words carefully. “Isn’t there someone you can call when you get like this?”</p>
<p>Penelope breathes out a weak, humorless laugh and shakes her head. “I’m fine, MG.” She says, and maybe if she says it enough it will be true.</p>
<p>“I asked you if you were okay literally a minute ago and you said no,” MG says, a little bit of weak humor in his voice at the absurdity of the situation.</p>
<p>Penelope ignores that, remaining silent for a moment. “But no, I don’t have anyone to call. My counselor is on vacation right now, and she’s pretty busy anyways. And I’m fine,” Penelope says, hating the way the last few words shake.</p>
<p>“I’m just worried about you, Pen,” MG says, his voice coming out a little rough because Penelope is one of his best friends and it hurts to see her like this, hurts to think about what’s going on inside her head.</p>
<p>Penelope tenses slightly at the words. “MG, you know I’d never… right?” She says, letting where they are sitting speak for itself, so she doesn’t have to say it. Saying it would make it real and it’s not real because she really wouldn’t.</p>
<p>“I know,” MG says but he doesn’t sound convinced and Penelope thinks for a second that maybe he shouldn’t be.</p>
<p>Penelope swallows thickly and takes another hit, letting the smoke burn in her lungs as long as she can before she has to release it to breathe. “You want to get high tonight, my room?” She asks and she means it to sound casual and offhanded, but ends up sounding desperate, almost like a plea, and she hates it.</p>
<p>“Sure,” MG answers easily. “Meet you there after curfew?”</p>
<p>Penelope nods.</p>
<p>They sit there in silence for a long time after that, so long that they can see the sun start to dip toward the horizon.</p>
<p>“I should probably go, I think I can still make it to my last class,” MG says with a dry little laugh.</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Penelope says matching his laugh with a significantly weaker one. “I’m going to stay here a little longer, but I’ll see you tonight.”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” MG agrees before slowly climbing back over the railing and heading back into the building, casting one last glance at his friend before he disappears inside.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Let me know if you liked it. I crave validation.</p><p>Feel free to message me on Tumblr: @Werederg</p></blockquote></div></div>
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